Month 6: Duck Soup

Action Comics #6: I accidentally read the review of this on CBR before the comic and can't help agree with what was written there - this could be where a lot of people fall out of love with GMoz. I think the easiest criticism is that it seems to wilfully obscure itself. The villains from the last issue are (potentially) dispensed with in a couple of panels with no explanation of who they ever were; the plot detailed at the beginning of the issue doesn't actually happen; the issue takes place in more than one time zone; the resolution is never explained; the closest thing the issue has to a main character happened previously to Superman in another (untold) story which is explained through telepathy... do you see what I'm getting at? It feels like he's taking the piss, almost. I do actually like it, but I don't know why. Plus we get the least worst Solly Fisch backup to date. So not all bad news.

Animal Man #6: Great stuff, but do we really need a non-plot issue less than six months in? I'm guessing it's to let Swamp Thing do what it needs to do before they run with the same story, but all the same... this is about a film Buddy made back when he was an actor. It's all about a guy who shouldn't really be a hero because it's fucking up his home life but he can't stay away. All a bit DO YOU SEE but well written and with great art (it looks like Daredevil). Just an oddity.

Batwing #6: I definitely cancelled this, but it turned up anyway. Oh well. "Three years ago" "Giza, Egypt" "One year ago" - boy, this flashes back and forward. And ends up in issue 1. It turns out the baddie is one of Batwang's old mates from when he was a mercenary but with some kind of augmentation so he can't feel pain (yes, in the same year as Bane hits the big screen) and is on his way to Gotham to kill some gay African superheroes. Despite this we still don't find out why Massacre is after the members of The Kingdom. C'mon guys, throw us some crumbs here? The final page shows Nightwing and Robin (meaning this is either in another universe from B&R or in another time?) joining in as one big giant Batfamily. Gotta catch 'em all!

Detective Comics #6: Next month, Carlsberg sues DC. Seriously, the logo of the Penguin's casino is a direct rip-off, to the extent it even has the same flourish underneath which makes zero sense if it doesn't start with a C. This is pretty good though, although arguably more of an explanatory book with no real signs of resolving anything. We find out who some of the bad guys are and by the end of the issue Bats has done enough detecting (or just plain beating people up tbh) to be at the same position as we are. Can we wrap this plot up soon? Thanks.

OMAC #6: KIRBY KNOCKDOWN FIGHTY GOODNESS. One of the Furies turns up looking for Mother Box in a restaurant (actually, she's the recruitment consultant from previous issues) and we get a bit more interaction between Maxwell Lord and Brother Eye. Then a Kord Industries employee fails to shoot Lord. Wait a minute, KORD Industries? Ted Kord is in the Johnsiverse? Why have we got such a shitty Blue Beetle then? And this book only has two issues to go. Honestly, it's like DC aren't pandering exactly to me or something. Buck up your ideas chaps.

Red Lanterns #6: Yet more "Britain isn't in America" shouting by me is imminent. Oxford appears to be in Florida and the police here routinely carry billy clubs and tazers which they use whenever they feel like. An awful lot of the dialogue in this is GRAAARRRRRR RARRRRR etc, but Milligan has already undone his own plotting. So the Red Lanterns have conventional thoughts, it's just that they can't speak? How does that square with brainless rage machines that have to get thrown in the sea of blood to be self-aware? We get a bit of a fight between Atrocitus and Bleez, which frankly is only in there as an excuse to show us her arse and then next month is teased with Guy Gardner turning up. So where is this in relation to Green Lantern Corps, where Guy's in space stealing guns to fight lantern farmers? My head hurts trying to keep all these together.

Stormwatch #6: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE. "To find out why see Superman #7" ON THE FIRST FUCKING PAGE. Oh and that picture of Jenny near the end. SHE'S A CHILD, NOT A FUCKING DWARF. Can we pretend this never happened? It turns out the ship is nanobots held together by a tortured Daemonite, which works because Jack has realised that means it's a city. So he persuades it not blow up. In other news, Midnighter comes out as gay which makes him extra considerate of children, apparently. MAKE IT STOP.

Swamp Thing #6: Impossible to describe without major spoilers, this is the best issue yet. Beautiful and horrible and near-perfect. This is such a good book I may even buy the collection. You should too.

Green Arrow #6: So, gun woman can't shoot as she misses Ollie's head from point blank range. But that's all right because it gives him the chance to tell us he's in Justice League #8 while his mate puts a sticking plaster on the graze. It turns out she's an ex-gf of Ollies only she doesn't recognise him and he doesn't recognise her. And then she's a robot. Who gets blown up. Ollie has a beer to celebrate. Ann Nocenti can't make this worse. That's damning with faint praise.

Hawk & Dove #6: Things Rob Liefeld does not understand; a list.

Perspective
Anatomy
The age of children
Scale
Sexuality
Feet
Standing upright
Kneeling
Physics
The meaning of infinity
Harry Potter
Physical strength
Hawk
Batman
Sarcasm

So, not much wrong with this, then. Why not turn over the whole line to him?

(I have just remembered I quite liked the last Hawkman, but Rob's taking that over soon which is a good reason not to put it back on a pull list.)

Justice League International #6: Shit. The team that has existed for the previous 5 issues now actually exists. Godiva defuses a bomb with her hair, which is possibly more useful than wanking Batman off with it (although maybe Bats doesn't agree). There are lots of panels which are just pointless staged shots. IT'S NOT THE EIGHTIES ANY MORE.

Men of War #6: It'll be a mercy killing when this Rock series gets cancelled. Super invincible impossibly old soldiers get beaten by a bloke nobody knew had superpowers shooting light out of his ears, or something. This magically moves the ropes off Rock's mates and ties up the bad guys in an instant, who he then decides just to let go after they've had a nice chat. It actually reads like this is the end of Rock. Dropped from your own book before it gets cancelled. Now that's ignominy. The backup is pretty good though - although the fact it's by John Arcudi and Rich Corben exposes it for the throwaway Hellboy plot it is. Not good enough.

Static Shock #6: In which he is joined by his friends Hardware and Technique. And then the all-black X-Men get invented on the last two pages. That's the best thing I can think of to say about it. It's just a chore to read now.

Batgirl #6: WELL OF COURSE BRUCE DOESN'T KILL BABS. With that out of the way, it's difficult to know what else to say about this book since it doesn't actually say anything. We find out how the latest superbaddie got her hypnotic powers and My Two Bats talk her out of fighting, but the story ends with us knowing nothing about her motivation, or why she targeted Bruce, or what she was hoping to get out of anything she was doing. Other than 'rich white men are bad'. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't hoped for a bit more. Still we find out that Babs' mum likes to bake a lot of cakes. YEAH! DEFEAT THAT GENDER STEREOTYPING MYTH! RIGHT ON SISTAH!

Batman & Robin #6: TEARS OF A ROBIN! It turns out Damian was just playing along the whole time so that Bruce can turn up and beat the crap out of the bad guy. Rolo Tomassi does a solid job on it but it's never actually exciting and is, dare I say it, predictable throughout. Except maybe THE SON OF TALIA CRYING because he loves his daddy too much. Hurrrm.

Batwoman #6: Umm. This sucks. JH Williams, your strengths are art over writing. Your writing is OK, all right, but start drawing again please. Let's just pretend this issue never happened.

Demon Knights #6: Put simply, nothing happens this month as it's all just set-up for the next issue in which (presumably) there's going to be a big FITE. That's all very well, but it means nothing has really happened in ANY of the first four of the books I paid for this week. Which doesn't make it look like very good VFM now, does it, eh DiDio? You won't get people continuing to spend money this way, you know.*

*This may be a lie and I will keep on buying books from DC. So sue me.

Frankenstein #6: Ah, NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. If you make all the other books suck this week then Frankenstein will look good in comparison and people will like it. I mean, seriously? This has an entire sequence that steals wholesale from Watchmen as it tells the story of Frankie and "Colonel Quantum" in Vietnam. And that's the best part of the book by some way. I don't know why I'm buying this.

Legion Lost #6: "SPEW TEETH, NOT DOGMA!" Obviously no book can recover from opening dialogue as good as that, and this is no exception but it has a brave go and gets most of the way there. After a fair bit of exposition and a lot of help from the Martian Manhunter (with some ridiculous 80s casual racism along the way - I mean really? The best way you can choose to refer to a black guy is "Lenny Kravitz"?) the Legion realise the whole truth about how desperate their situation is and get back to where they were at the very beginning of #1. Hooray! Next plot please (although this is going to get such into the clusterfuck-in-waiting that is The Ravagers, so I reckon it's doomed).

Suicide Squad #6: oh FFS. How could adding Lime & Light from Nu Green Arrow make anything BETTER? Hopefully it telegraphs who dies. Apart from that, this issue is kind of disappointing as it exists to flesh out Nu Harley Quinn and explore her relationship with Nu Joker who may or may not or might or might not be dead or alive or skinless. It's kind of annoying that after 6 months we still haven't resolved this if I'm honest but I guess they're waiting for the Owls to clear out of the batbooks first? Not awful, but doesn't really stand out from anything else, I suppose.

Deathstroke #6: WHAT? I'm going to make a bold statement here - Rob Liefeld will not make this book worse. I'm prepared for you all to hold me to this as well. Some people grimace at each other, there are lots of daddy issues and it ends with a big knife and a grin. NOTHING of substance happens. BRING ON THE NEW CREATIVE DIRECTION.
Green Lantern #6: Book Of The Black. Indigo Tribe. Beige Bastards. Pink Puritans. League of Lilac.* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM AS GOOD AS YOU, GEOFF JOHNS. How is it possible to actually think this is any good? Hal decides he doesn't want to be GL, having spent the previous 5 issues going on about how he does. Sinestro decides Hal is his secret love after all, and not the fuckbuddy he's shacked up with to replace him, because a woman in Vampirella's costume tells him so. What utter rubbish.
*I have not made all of these up.
Grifter #6: Just fuck off, right? Some of us didn't read all of the Wildstorm and 1) don't care about Daemonites and 2) want/need to know a bit more than OOOOH THESES ARE BAD BAD VERY POWERFUL BAD GUYS. But why do that when you can have unexplained people shouting unexplained things at unexplained monsters, right? The Wildstorm stuff might end with this issue, I think. Liefeld is probably round the corner, that's why.
Mister Terrific #6: This starts with a fight because of a Starbucks opening (with Michael defending Capitalism's right to do what it likes) which concludes with him throwing an icicle through someone's head because he doesn't speak English good like what an American do. He then kills someone by throwing them in lukewarm water, and saves himself by plunging into cold water and letting himself turn into a block of ice because everybody knows that's how you stop freezing to death. Cancelled, you say? Surely not!
Resurrection Man #6: Showing how much of an impact the previous issue must have had on me, I am surprised this issue takes place in Arkham Asylum. In short, Mitch dies and this gets him out. But, much like this book, it/he keeps on coming back even when everybody is hoping it's over. Just think, more people buy this than OMAC.
Superboy #6: Superboy, fresh from headbutting the sparkly Titan in the other book, has a fight with Supergirl and her giant vagina cover which mainly takes place in space. He mopes around for a bit, wishes a helicopter was somewhere else, then goes home to fight with his mum. Part of me wishes the book was as good as that sounds.

Batman #6 PENCILLED BY GREG CAPULLO: In which Scott Snyder writes an end to the claustrophobia of the Owl's chambers while setting up the Owl Wars plot. Inevitably, this isn't as good as last month but that's probably because not much is. It's not that much worse though and I'd rather read this than anything from last week. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Wait, that's a different book. Can Batman swim? That's what the kids all need to know.
DCU Presents #6: In which Challengers of the Unknown is reinvented as a reality show like IACGMOOH only in the Himalayas instead of Australia. It threatens to turn into Crossed at one point, and at that moment I realise I would rather be reading Crossed instead. One of the characters thinks he might be in a remake of L O S T by mistake and I secretly wish for DON'T PUDDING SPAZ to telepathically come out of one of their mouths. But no such luck. They escape from a Kirbyesque living rock monster by stabbing it with their Badge For Mathematical Excellence and fly off in a broken helicopter. Crossed Bloke might be back next week. So might a plot. So might I.
LoSH #6: Another month with more sub-plots than a soap opera and it's beginning to get a little wearying. I guess it would be nice to see either the Dragonwing plot or the Dominators plot take centre stage and effectively BE the book for a few months rather than try to maintain interest in EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME. Oh well. Still fun nevertheless.
Nightwing #6: DO NOT WANT. This is sort of a nothing issue, with everybody celebrating the anniversary of Dick's parents dying, Alfred dropping in because he's bored as Bats is missing (making this two months ago, or something) and ending with a villain reveal and an explosion. Near the beginning there is some dialogue which says "Different month, different city. Still the same story." If Kyle Higgins isn't careful that'll be this book's epitaph.
Supergirl #6: Supergirl eventually stops being pinned to the wall by her hair when the ghosts of her parents convince her that she's strong enough to pull the sword from the stone, then she heads back 'home' to Earth to stop the nasty alium from destroying New York, starting with the Washington Square Arch (presumably because it's picturesque). The same New York which is still the inevitable location for every proper Irish citizen as it's their destiny to emigrate there according to the script - although that also has the blooper of taking somebody's picture for them, and your own picture WITH THE SAME CAMERA. It's getting wearying reading this if I'm honest.
Wonder Woman #6: Oh come on, this is great. It's like a pre-code Vertigo book, all big eyes and four colours, and giant sea creatures and wax-headed boys and... and... and... and... and... I could go on listing why you should read this, but just know that you should.

Birds of Prey #6: Setup, setup, setup, setup, setup. And yet very little content. So it seems everybody in the world is under the influence of Choke but Dinah Explains It All is promised for next month for the who and why. Just as well because this has been a mystery (and a pretty dull one at that) looking for resolution for 6 months now and I'm getting a bit sick of it.

Blue Beetle #6: Jaime beats Darth Maul by admitting he gets bullied at school, then slaps a woman around for fun. At the end it's revealed that only three days have passed since the beginning of issue 1. How's that coherent Johnsiverse working out for you all? This really is a pretty dreadful title, it spends more time trying to prove it's an authentic teen book, or an authentic Hispanic book, than telling a story about A Bad Evil From The Beginning Of Time And More Powerful Than Everything Even The Wee Blue Guys (tm Geoff Johns) and that's why this is cancellation-bound - it fails to do anything that a hero book should. Awful.

Captain Atom #6: Never lose sight of the following statement: JT KRUL GETS PAID TO DO THIS. Anyway, Captain A gets rid of the thread from the previous issues in a single page by thinking about it, grows a woman a new hand and on the final page appears to blow up the Earth in 20 years time. Although since we don't know when the book is set (since the rules that were supposed to be in place for the reboot have been thrown away) this means nothing and could be next week. NEXT ISSUE = AN ORIGIN STORY. Because that always makes things better, doesn't it.

Catwoman #6: Is this a torture porn book or what? Ears are bitten off, women are beaten half to death by other women, and choken while spreadeagled against a wall. Batman admits he doesn't get Catwoman arrested because she pays him in Sex Dollars and Selina shows somebody her real identity while waiting to watch her go to the toilet. After the rehabilitation of Red Hood, this is far and away the most offensive book in the Johnsiverse and shows no signs of changing. A refrigerator can't be far away, surely.

Green Lantern Corps #6: Um, what? John Stewart kills his mate by breaking his neck rather than let him reveal any of the Wee Blue Guys' secrets? WHAT A HERO. Then Guy Gardner turns up with guns and shoots everyone (out of kindness obviously, because that's what heroes do) before dropping two of the Sinstro Corps on anyone left alive (killing them in the process). All because nobody likes the Space Farmers. This attritional warfare is actually kind of dull, at the end of the day, and I don't know where the book can go from here because everyone in it is a cnut. WELCOME TO THE JOHNSIVERSE.

Red Hood #6: OH GOOD, A FLASHBACK ORIGIN ISSUE. It's not great. In fact, it's barely adequate. It turns out Starfire saved Jason from near certain death. She nurses him back to health and then replaces his leaf speedos with some clothes, during which it APPEARS to be acknowledged she lived pre-Johnsiverse and met Nightwang there. GET OUT OF THAT ONE DIDIO. Still the best book I'm not buying though.

All Star Western #6: The Arkham story wraps up nicely, with Hex pursuing the bad guy (who, in a SHOCKING TWIST, turned out to be the father of the missing boy from the beginning, although he wasn't actually missing after all) and delivers a clear and concise version of Nu52 Bat-history in the process. I expect to see a lot of hackneyed Nawlins accents next month, but hey ho. Still not feeling this Barbary Ghost backup story, but it's over for now, so whatevs. This is going to be one of the second wave of cancellations though, I have no doubt. It flirted with it continually while it was a Jonah Hex book and although it's doing well, it only has good numbers in relation to the other books being published. Cancel the worse sellers and pretty soon it's the book making the least money.

Aquaman #6: Mera! Feminist hero of the ages! I mean, it happens to us all, doesn't it? You go out to buy dog food and break a crepey guy's arm in the store, then surrender to the police so you can suck the water out of a murderer's body and make his daughter cry. And then you get home to feed the pooch and your fella tells you his mate's found out who sunk Atlantis. It's just an everyday story of everyday things happening to everyday people. Get one imagination, Geoff Johns! I thought this was supposed to be heroic fiction? Actually, the most confusing bits are the flashbacks to Mera and her dad fighting about killing Aquaman because you can't actually work out properly when they're supposed to take place - the earliest ones could almost have passed for off-camera plot - but if you can make nice water sculptures to impress girls and get free groceries then none of that matters, I guess.

Batman The Dark Knight #6: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It was Bane all along... but wait. References to Knightfall? So that's in the Johnsiverse? I'll tell you what then, that was a packed 6 years. I thought that was the point of the whole reboot, to delete awkward continuity and start again from scratch? In other news, the White Rabbit is clearly only for T&A shots and sexy flirting and is explained away as a sub-Harley fantasist. I don't know why I expect more from a character who runs about in a white corset and pink panties, but I did.

I, Vampire #6: That's right, KILL THE LEAD CHARACTER. It still kind of makes no sense that this book is in the mainstream Johnsiverse as Gotham is now overflowing with vampires and corpses that don't appear in, say, Birds of Prey. Apparently Zatanna is going to sort it all out next month, but I think this could be where I bail. The art just isn't enough for me any more. It keeps trying to hold on to being a main universe book and it just doesn't work.

Justice League Dark #6: Well, that's 10 minutes I'll never get back. In this utterly pointless waste of paper and ink, the characters from the first issues all meet up and their mutual loathing of each other makes the M Vest animate some dead skin, or something, and wreck Madame Xanadu's house. She takes this surprisingly well, then gets a nosebleed because the guy from I, Vampire is dead. And that's about it. Deadman resists raping the prone figure of Dove in his dream, which he seems to want some kind of credit for. Can I have my money back?

Savage Hawkman #6: Ah, the MORTIS ORB. Of course. How stupid of me. I'm doubly confused, because I stopped buying this but it ended up in my LCS folder this week and I'd paid for it and taken it home before I noticed. After the Gentleman Ghost looked good last month, he looks crap this month. Corpses, corpses and more corpses and next month Hawkman vs Zombies. I sort of hope it will just rip off a desktop tower defence game. Then THE LIEFELDENING!

Superman #6: Oh good, this takes place after next month's Supergirl and refers to it. Yes, the one that isn't published yet. Oh, and also after Action #7, which is still two weeks away. Anyway, nobody likes Superman because he's beating up Supergirl then Superman turns up and takes away Superman so he can fight him in space because he's read Action #7. I hope this makes sense next month, but then that relies on it staying in my head until then. Even Superman doesn't know and says so near the end. People other than me buy this shit? Really?

Blackhawks #6: In which we learn that humans are like Native Americans and superheroes are like The White Man. There's far too much dialogue to go into, or to care about. In the end everything blows up, although it probably doesn't. This has no real connection to any of the issues before this, or at least not in a meaningful way, and yet that doesn't help it despite how bad the previous ones were. The end can't come soon enough for this book.

Flash #6: So, Hawkman #6 was inexplicably in and this was inexplicably out. I hate my LCS sometimes (not really, but YKWIM). Anyway, I love the splash page of this, which rams home the Spirit comparisons I've made previously. Captain Cold has become WAY good at what he does and through a series of flashbacks and flashforwards we get that Barry's dumped Iris (or was possibly never seeing her) we credibly arrive at the correct point in time with all the right things in place and this turns out to be a really tightly scripted 18 pages. I still love it, especially the art, and the addition of explaining the Speed Force, a heads-up display and WAIT, IS THAT A TREADMILL? Aces.

Green Lanterns New Guardians #6: Oh look, the Kyle Rayner one. Kyle works out they all have to team up to beat the good guy, and the pink teletubby says only Bleez can save them. GOOD JOB SHE TURNS UP ON THE LAST PAGE THEN. Kyle drops The Titanic on the good guy at one point. How's that imagination working out for you Kyle?

Teen Titans #6: New York wants to arrest the Titans for the damage following their rumble with Superboy, which probably gives away the plot of Supergirl #8, huh DiDio? Kara vs Judge Judy in small claims? Anyhoo, Kid Flash excites himself nearly to death and they visit Static from Static Shock where they find him playing with his ERECTOR. He seems very proud of it. I turns out Kid Flash is being hunted by someone who speaks Interlac. INTERLAC. This can only end well. This books keeps on stealing victory from defeat.

Firestorm #6: "WHHHYYYYY?" Well, quite. "H2O... it's like cake with these powers." Wait, WHAT? Ron Raymond thinks he's in Red Dawn and wants to teach Gorby a lesson or two. The Firestorms fight each other instead then the Army show up to arrest the black one. Really? Seriously? I wish I was making this up.

Voodoo #6: I'm going with refreshingly simple. Jaaf Smax from Top 10 turns up and busts Voodoo out of prison, helped out by the guy from the first Hellboy film (who might instead be the bad guy from the current B&R run). Kyle Rayner smells bad. This is linked to various other DC books and they are desperately trying to add Blackhawks to the mix. Way to make me hate you again guys.