Month 11: A week of nature study

Batwoman #11: Hooray! An issue of Batwoman that actually goes somewhere! And this feels like a proper conclusion to the Weeping Woman story too, what with the supernatural mystery being shown to be relatively mundane, some resolution in the Bette plot and a happy ever after (of sorts) for Kate. Yeah, Killer Croc is far to easily dealt with but I can just about forgive it. I'm not keen on the "...'s Story" page titlings either, but again I can live with it. But then the last page - "The Mother Of All Monsters". OI! WILLIAMS III! NOO! Enough with the mothers and daughters shoehorning into the plot. Who do you think you are, Gail Simone? I think my patience has run its course with this book - either it needs to be pretty, or good. I can live with either, but it's been neither for too long.

Birds of Prey #11: Well I sort of didn't expect that. Ivy is dying for unexplained reasons and being kept alive by her suit, which has been specially bio-engineered by Big Pharma. So she persuades the whole team to be environmental terrorists, to the point where (it appears) they're happy to execute CEOs of comapnies they don't like. Because the jungle poisoned them. Hmm. Anyway, Travel Foreman goes a long way here to prove that I was right about his art sucking - even with a different inker it's still awful, maybe even worse than it was on Animal Man. I mean, look, this is the shocked/outraged panel when our heroes find out they only have 6 months to live:

I'm not really sure why he's still in work if I'm honest. Then again, this is a company with Liefeld and JT Krul on the books.

Blue Beetle #11: Paco has turned into a giraffe in hospital. Or maybe there's another explanation for this:

Anyway, this all centres around a fight between Beetle and Booster Gold, which starts because Bettle accuses Booster of carrying out the plot of the 80s BG series. Which presumably he still did in the Johnsiverse, as he's still rich. We then get a "hilarious" commentary on how Mexicans supposedly think white people thinks about Mexicans in America, and Paco ends up turned into an alium at the end. Poor Paco. Nothing goes right for him. How's he going to find a nice girl to settle down with at this rate?

Captain Atom #11: Oh, JT Krul Paws. Human Captain Atom tries to get the woman whose hand Captain Atom Captain Atom burnt off turning her into One Handed Captain Atom to cheat on her boyfriend with him by drinking her milkshake, while Captain Atom Captain Atom is stuck in a glowing blue sphere being perved on by Steven Hawking. Captain Atom Captain Atom brings a dead woman back to life (you'd think he'd have learned from previous issues, but at least one of the lab assistants has read them) before letting Steven Hawking fly off into the void of space without a spacesuit. Except it seems like it was all in his mind, because he's dead on the floor. Human Captain Atom kisses One Handed Captain Atom, which makes Captain Atom Captain Atom jealous, so he burns down the laboratory. And if you think that was unreadable, don't go near the comic.

Catwoman #11: Catwoman has SURPRISE! BUTTSECKS! with a policeman while her boyfriend watches with binoculars, which turns him on so much they are going to do the sexing before the policeman hauls her away with a booty call. Dollhouse gets unmasked, there are a piles of diversions which makes it pretty hard to work out what's actually going on, but Policeman Booty ends up being kidnapped. Never mind, because next issues Batman resolves everything according to the blurb. Whose book is this again?

DCU Presents #11: Vandal Savage's daughter and a policeman's son who has been taking makeup tips from Kate Kane and Boston Brand discuss their daddy issues at length. Savage turns up and fights the boy, then his daughter shoots him through the head so she can talk through her issues herself. I'm being harsh, because James Robinson has done a good job here with characters he obviously loves. It's probably worth seeking out this story, as it's by far the best DCU Presents to date and a pretty good story in its own right, if a little wordy.

GLC #11: Oh God, I'd forgotten about the Alpha Lanterns. STOP INVENTING NEW THINGS. So, they torture Kilowog to tell them where John Stewart is - while we see him and Guy downstairs in the Guardians' Nazi Experiment Labs. Who'd have thought, all those DREAD FORCES FROM BEYOND TIME having been created down there in the ring foundry. But wait - because John Stewart is a GENIUS he manages to use all the failed experiments of an eternity's worth of Guardians into the perfect answer in a couple of minutes. Huzzah! But has it gone wrong? OH NOES!

Justice League #11: Batman manages to overcome the Superhero Sadface Sucker, because Batman thrives on his own Sadface (obviously) and so persuades everybody else to embrace their Sadface. The truth about Graves gets explained after he's told his Sadface story to Steve Trevor's sister, which when she tells Diana makes her all RARR RARR RARR like she's a Red Lantern or something and she kicks everyone's arses for them. But then she recovers and they all go off into the snow where they meet up with their Sadfaces for a nice cup of tea or something. Steve Trevor may or may not be dead, which may become a perpetual Sadface generator. Who knows. Or cares. The Shazam backup is finally getting somewhere, as Black Adam explains his part in the plot and Billy gets to the cave of the Wizard. Kimota!

LoSH #11: Some Legionaires save Brainiac and Dream Girl from the Dominators, which leads to a fight between Cosmic Boy and Mon-El as to why Mon-El didn't do it. Brainiac shows us some heretofore unseen and unknown powers, before being stabbed in the back by a traitor. This is kind of going round in circles, and is boring even me. Fix it soon, Levitz.

Nightwing #11: Hahahahahaha "Time to die!" and there's a clock hahahahahaha. Have a fight. There's more unintentional comedy later when a woman shows up complaining of "a problem dick" before admitting she is a "no dick" although she would "vote for yes dick". At least we get a reminder that Batman & Robin exists and should be impacting on other titles.

Red Hood #11: Wha? I feel like I've missed out about 10 issues. I have no idea what's going on here at all - what I thougt was a plane and featured Shadow Boobs Woman seems to have been an intergalactic spaceship flown by one of Starfire's underlings and a good Dominator, and taking place simulataneously in the past, present and future. Then K'tten turns up (possibly) in the end having been transformed into a battle cat or something. There's now also a backup story with Shadow Boob Woman that happens prior to issue 2. I think I need to reread all of these to make sense of this issue.

Supergirl #11: Wow. A penguin taking a piss and a lion shagging a zebra, and we're not even past page 1. And a mosque to represent either "brutality" or "diversity. Maybe both. Supergirl sucks her thumb in space on the second page. The comedy Oirish girl now has a comedy Oirish brother to double the hilarity. Iron Man's Extremis suit shows up to break up Kara's pizza date with Oirish Boy, but not before she's ruined it for herself because (perhaps unsurprisingly) New York pizza makes her sick. She decides she's better off on her own and with a Byrnian supporting cast like she has I think that's for the best.

Wonder Woman #11: Justice League Wonder take Zola to the doctor so he can do a pre-natal but, as ever, SOME GREEK GODS TURN UP AND SPOIL IT. There's a long scrap, but the mystery of why Zola's baby is quite so important and why all the other Gods are against it remains. Looks like we have a war in Olympus next month. Despite that looking like a complaint, the pacing in this title is perfect with just enough revealed every month to keep you on the hook. Azzarello's best ever run on a comic.