Month 1: Into the Johnsiverse

Justice League #1

"Five Years ago" reads the caption and this is not, and can never be, a good start. It's still 5 years ago by the end of the book too, which had originally guessed was Geoff John's hamfisted way of establishing the overall continuity so that Action (and I think Detective) happen 5 years previously to the other books, but a bit of googling tells me is so there can be a Hal Jordan book as well as all the other Lantern books, so JL is 5 years behind the other continuity as well. They're not all going to start like this, are they? With lumbering explanations of the immediate post-Flashpoint scenario? "There was a time when the world didn't know what a superhero was." Top way to summarise how Flashpoint ended, however, since I haven't touched that piece of crap I'm reliant on Wikipedia which tells me Barry Allen has Mommy Issues and recreated the universe before Flashpoint started by saving her and recreates it again at the end by letting her die.* So to summarise the New 52 then, it's Flashpoint rolled out against the whole DC Universe and not just a limited attempt to cash in on your traditional summer crossover sales-fest (one main book, 20 spin off titles and several big crossovers such as Flash and Booster Gold). Keeping on milking it while you can, I guess.

So, the book itself. Well it's kind of an inconsequential thing about nothing. Batman is chasing what turns out to be a parademon under fire from Gotham cops, Green Lantern turns up and explains to the reader who he is, what the GLC is (kind of) and a little bit about Batman. He's pretty stupid, although this might just be Johns trying to write howz da yung kidz speek 2day innit. The parademon blows itself up, leaving behind a Mother Box and the dynamic duo take it away to see Superman. On the way, they buzz a football field where the Not-Yet-Cyborg is being Good At Sports and he fills us in about his dad's work at STAR Labs in a VERY SUBTLE way. Arriving in Metropolis, we then get GJ's version of this:

And this is the heart of the problem with the book. It doesn't know what the target market is. ** The dialogue seems to be for new starters, but we're really going to have Apokolips in the first storyline? Some of the best writers of the Bronze Age failed to explain fully over 20 years what Darkseid was all about, so I struggle to see how it's going to work for people without 40 years of DCU in their brains. Also, you're going up against Final Crisis this soon after it? Are the New Gods inside or outside of the Flashpoint? I'm already beginning not to care.

At the back we get some extra draft sketches and things which try hard to convince me Jim Lee should have his pencils taken away, but also that this could have been worse. Then I notice Superman has kneepads. WTF? Are his knees suddenly vulnerable? Unless they're MacFarlane Pouches for the keys to his flat I'm going to be upset.

"It combusted into fire."

Lets's say that again. "It combusted into fire." Welcome to the new universe.

*It also lets me know about things Geoff Johns has written that no sane adult should ever know, like this:

Hot Pursuit
First Appearance: Flash v.3 #6 (January 2011) Created by writer Geoff Johns and artist Francis Manapul
Hot Pursuit's full origin and point of origin is unknown, currently, he claims to be a superhero from a parallel universe, who built the Cosmic Motorcycle. The motorcycle transforms into a high-tech nightstick which can steal speed, store information, and project holograms. This motorcycle also needs to be charged constantly with mass amounts of electricity in order for it to continue to be able to access the Speed Force, thus it is unable to naturally access the Speed Force like Barry Allen or the rest of the Flash Family.
With the help of his nephew Wally West he became Hot Pursuit, the Fastest Man Alive. Just after Barry Allen acquits himself of the murder of the 25th century Renegade's Mirror Monarch, a futuristic version of Mirror Master, Hot Pursuit braves the Bleed between universes and appears in the 21st century on his cosmic motorcycle, rushing to find Allen, in order to warn him about a grave event that leads to Flashpoint (comics), a 2011 DC Comics event.
After time traveling, Hot Pursuit desperately searches through Central City for energy that will allow his motorcycle to continue to function. After causing a black out as well as wrecking the Central City Police Department's crime lab, he attracts the attention of Allen, who gives chase. Stopping to speak with Allen, he tells The Flash that they're on the same time line, revealing to him that he is also Barry Allen, from the future, there to warn him of the "single greatest time anomaly to ever threaten reality."
He thought that Bart Allen was the cause of the anomaly, but later learned that it was, in fact, Professor Zoom (Eobard Thawne), also known simply as the Reverse-Flash. He tried to save Flash and Kid Flash by using his Speed Force draining nightstick. This proved futile as the Reverse-Flash was able to negate the nightstick's abilities and age Hot Pursuit to death, fufilling Thwane's desire to kill Barry Allen.
Hot Pursuit's mission is to protect the timestream from historical anomalies

Seriously? Cosmic motorcycle that turns into a nightstick? I'm guessing he saw the new Tron film before sitting down and writing that. Oh, and in Flashpoint she's a woman. And hawt. GEDDIT?

** This is the same problem I have with Russell T Davies' Award Winning Doctor Who tm (not kidding btw, he did once try and get that registered and he used to force people to call it that on internal memos). You keep on giving nods to the old fans - the Macra in the one that rips off 200AD, badly, for example - but then dismiss them if they don't fawn all over you or criticise what you do. Well do you want to appeal to them or not? If you value their opinion then fill your boots, but if you don't then why try and please them?