Aquaman #12: Top work DC. Zero month means there is
now a pointless origin issue between the two climactic issues of the
plot. In short, Mera is still jealous and isn't shy about showing it.
This makes Georgette of the Jungle furious and she sets her jaguars on
anyone who speaks to her. Luckily one of them is Black Manta, who is
able to fight them off. Unluckily the other is Doctor Shin, who is just
an old Chinese bloke, after all. Luckily Vostock stops her. Unluckily
this means he gets killed by Manta. Luckily that means Geoff Johns gets
to have everyone stand around bleeding Superhero Sadface. Well, luckily
for him. Not so much for the rest of us.
Justice League #12:
Sadface Bad Guy has a pile of ghosts deny the Justice League their
sadface by telling them how they're better off without them. And Steve
Trevor is also there, contradicting Justice League Dark. OR IS HE, EH?
The power of Sadface actually means he isn't really dead, which makes
everyone else think their Sadface isn't real. This is bad for Sadface
Bad Guy, but quite lucky for Wonder Woman and Superman because it makes
them Super Horny. Diana has the small matter of being in a relationship
with Steve in the way, but she resolves it pretty quickly by dumping him
in his hospital bed. Ever the gentleman, Hal Jordan leaves Earth so the
press can write about that instead. And if that makes sense to you,
then you are Geoff Johns aicm£5.
Detective Comics Annual #1:
An inconsequential story about a battle between the Mad Hatter and the
Black Mask to be the chief mind control villain in Gotham. It's set in a
circus, which diminishes the story as it's too close to the main
Nightwing/Owls setting - unless we're supposed to think there are two
cursed/evil/bad circuses in Gotham? In which case, no wonder their main
villain is a clown... anyway, these 30-odd pages are very definition of
contractual obligation. Don't waste your time.
Green Lantern Annual #1:
Fifty pages later, I'm none the wiser. Two stories go on here: The GL
plot with Black Hand concludes (of sorts) and/or the Guardians do some
shit about the Third Army. In the first, Black Hand forces Hal to decide
between seeing his dad again or having manhugs from Sinestro. He can't,
so hits Black Hand on various headstones until his eye is hanging out;
in which time Sinestro has turned up and they reacharound Hal's Lantern.
Elsewhere in space, the Guardians let some other Guardians out of a big
metal box in space where they've had them chained up for "billions of
years". They have a big fight about whether the 'First Lantern' should
be released. The plots then collide when the bad Guardians turn up and
tell Black Hand he's their favourite, which makes Hal and Sinestro
disappear in a swirl of Sadface. The Third Army seems to involve the
Guardians covering people in their blue muck, until only their eyes are
visible. Has Johns got a bukakke fetish or something? I don't know any
more. THERE ARE ONLY 16 PARTS OF THE THIRD ARMY TO GO.
JLI Annual #1:
In short, the SHOCKING CONCLUSION is that OMAC is still the same
character he was at the beginning of his own title and is only there to
get information for Brother Eye so he can destroy the JLI (presumably as
part of his vendetta against Maxwell Lord). Booster turns OMAC back
into Kevin, before staring down an alternate Booster that Rip Hunter has
sent from another time stream to stop the Super Horniness from JL#12.
Before he goes, OMAC depowers the Scarab suit and sends Blue Beetle back
to The Reach, which you would think would have horrendous implications
for that not-cancelled book set in NYC. If only the e-i-c of the
Johnsiverse had had a hand in this to stop it. This book with a
DiDioco-writing credit. Nothing happens in this that couldn't have been
wrapped up in the JLI book, which implies the only reason for this
annual was not to spoiler Super Horniness. Which the press had done, and
DC's publicity material. It could be worse, I could have paid for this
book.
Superman Anuual #1: Helspont punches
Superman into the moon, where Grifter shows how much stronger and more
powerful than Superman he is. Martian Manhunter gets beaten by a minor
Daemonite and in doing so he refers to his role in Stormwatch #12. Which
is AFTER he left the title. There's a scene with Stafire which takes
place after "pretty much any issue of Red Hood". Which is tricky, since
for the past 8 months it's been a space opera set around Tamaran.
Seriously, am I the only guy bothering to read these comics? Scott
Lobdell and Fabien Nicieza clearly aren't. To skip to the end, ignoring
Hawkman getting beaten up for no plot-related reason, Helspont has had
some sort of relationship with Jor-El before the destruction of Krypton,
which makes Superman cry in space. This has been a Sadface-fuelled
month and no mistake.
Flash Annual #1: It's
explained where the Rogues got their enhanced powers and we get a great
(if slightly old-fashioned) Rogues story. Which suits me, because the
Rogues are one of the best backup casts in the DCU. THEN GORILLAS
INVADE! And no sadface in sight! WHy aren't more DC books like this? Oh
yes, BECAUSE OF THE JOHNS.
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