Month 0: The first time I've been close to quitting

Batwoman #0: Kate's childhood and path to becoming Batwoman told in a momentary flashback during the death of Beth in one of the previous issues. It's entertaining enough, if very wordy (which in itself is one fo the inherent problems because, well, there's a more pressing reason for buying JH Williams books) but it just feels desperately unoriginal. It's a story I feel like I've read 1000 times before and don't feel I need to read again at the end of the day. Blah blah overbearing military father blah blah badly chosen life partners blah blah substance abuse - how is it different from Roy Harper's story, for example? Inessential.
Birds Of Prey #0: Welcome back, our old friend CONTINUITY. So, the Penguin's floating ice casino - WHICH ONLY APPEARED IN GOTHAM AFTER THE JOHNSIVERSE STARTED (which is why we saw the gala opening) - was around before the Johnsiverse started and was sufficiently famous for both Black Canary and Batgirl to investigate independently. So we understand why Dinah and Babs are mates, but how does Eve/Starling fit into the picture? Oh aye, she was put on the not-yet-invented floating casino by Amanda Waller to infiltrate it and break it up (so that's now THREE separate strands of investigation into something that doesn't exist yet) and is staying with Dinah because Waller tells her to. Presumably because of some unfinished Team 7 business. A team which, let's not forget, according to Suicide Squad #0 Waller left voluntarily but on relatively good terms and according to Team 7 #0 worked well. Even the Who's Who chapter at the bank doesn't illuminate, it just says Team 7 broke up mysteriously. Although it didn't, if you read Suicide Squad #0. Retconning things after ONE YEAR either shows you don't have any control over it or the whole thing was just an excuse to pay Rob Liefeld millions. Neither are very satisfactory explanations, I have to say.
Blue Beetle #0: My head hurts. Abandoning (to a large extentcontradicting) the backstory from the first 12 issues of the title concerning the Reach and how they were the BAD VILLAINS FROM BEFORE TIME WHO WERE ALWAYS MORTALLY ENEMIES WITH THE LANTERNS we find out instead that Jaime's scarab was instead a prototype weapon created by the people in the Reach which DESPITE BEING A COMPLETE FAILURE (unless you can think of a different way to describe how you can be rejected by your first choice of host - although to be fair it is a very young Lady Styx - and then spend ALL the rest of your time on the cosmic backwater of Earth, being lost for large chunks of it; in fact the first host you ever found seems to be in pre-Colombian Central America) goes completely into production as a MASSIVE EVIL WEAPON... well, words fail me. Anyway, it turns out OMAC teleported Blue Beetle to reach space at the end of the JLI annual, which was handy. They're all after him there for being a traitor. Which is odd as THIS VERY ISSUE it's clear this scarab what a prototype which still, for no identifiable reason, proved the concept and led to all the other scarabs. Despite having been only used once. HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EMPLOYED?
Captain Atom #0: STOP GIVING JT KRUL MONEY. Nat Adam is a kind of flakey and unreliable test pilot for the military. So, not Hal Jordan then. He gets picked to fly a spaceship into another dimension despite the fact it doesn't move, yet everyone seems surprised and the mission must be a failure and he must be dead when it does exactly what it's supposed to. The dimensional transfer spunks out a bit of blue goo which Dr Manhattans itself into Captain Atom. He then gives a Mitt Romney speech about how the US military are so underfunded compared to their enemies and floats above the world as God. This is not, despite the way it sounds, the worst issue of Captain Atom but that particular bar isn't set very high.
Catwoman #0: Is it normal to have your job explained to you for the first time a year after you start work? Thought not. Anyway, Selina became a thief because a boy caught her out lying to him in a bar. There's a hamfisted attempt to establish a SUPER SECRET RUSSIAN PAST and that Selina Kyle is wiped from history and doesn't exist. Contradicting the first year of the book. Zero month isn't really much of a success, is it?
DCU Presents #0: HOW DOES A ROTATING STORY BOOK HAVE AN ORIGIN? Why not just tell the origin story of 5 books that are already cancelled? As pointless an exercise as that sounds. Tell you what, why not add a Who's Who page for OMAC that ignore the JLI annual (despite explicitly mentioning it) and says he's still a happy part of them. That's bound to make things better. Or a "before the Nu52" story that takes place during the first JL plot (probably after #4). Inept.
GL:NG #0: In origin month, NOT AN ORIGIN ISSUE. Following GL:NG #12 they have all broken up, so Kyle and Carol Ferris team up to kill some Black Hand zombies. During this they find out that Hal is dead (from GL #12/#0 or something) and we get a minor smidgeon more of the Guardians plans. But only a little bit, mind.
Justice League #0: CONTAINS NO ACTUAL JUSTICE LEAGUE. Geoff Johns' Shazam is a dick and reflects his world weary schtick in that Billy just wants to use his powers to make money. We get a Pandora backup story which links into Phantom Stranger #0 and undoes a lot of it, and a single page which introduces the Johnsiverse Question who it turns out is Rorscach. That went full circle then, huh? I hate you Geoff. Why don't you just fuck off and play in your own little GL universe where only you and your mates read comics and leave the memory of CC Beck alone? Why couldn't they have given Jeff Smith the gig? He nailed it. I despair.
LoSH #0: A summary. Braniac becomes part of the Legion. After he has become part of the Legion in a different untold story, which he may or may not remember. Inexplicably, this is still the best book so far this week. Which says more about the rest than it does about this, if I'm honest.
Nightwing #0: Despite the fact that all the way up to OWLS was explaining how Dick was the chosen one since whenever to challenge the Waynes, this is not actually mentioned until the Who's Who page. Instead, we get the yet another retelling of the Robin origin which is pretty much exactly the same as the previous ones with the exception of letting us know we should play cards with Bruce because he has a tell like you wouldn't believe. Which does raise the question why more people haven't worked out who Batman is. Overall OK, but not necessary.
Red Hood #0: Was the Joker the hand that shaped the events that made Bruce choose Jason Todd before? I don't think he was, which makes this a Nu52 #0 rarity - a story that actually tells something new. Anyway, A Death In The Family is Nu52 canon. That's all. (PS This is pretty good)
Sword of Sorcery #0: Amethyst saves a girl from the 50s from being raped by a group of jocks then is transported to Gemworld (or whatever it's called) by her mother the second she turn 17. (Amy, not her mother. That would be really weird.) She then shows us all her mommy issues before John Constantine steals her jewel in the real world while she isn't looking. Presumably that means she's trapped there. DUN DUN DUNNNNN! Beowulf wants to be like Northlanders (with it even being advertised in the back despite no link) and takes place in a near-ish future which has regressed to the Dark Ages. It could actually be a pretty good story but I ssupect it will take a number of months to work out whether it is or not.
Wonder Woman #0: A near-perfect Silver Age pastiche, which thinks it's from the Golden or maybe the Pulp age. Whatever, a joy from beginning to end and makes the whole Zero Month idea worthwhile. Probably the only thing I'd recommend you all read this week, as long as you like Silver Age comics.