You know, I figured I might as well do Doctor Who on here as well... several of you may be familiar with my lengthy rantings on ILX and some other places about NuWho, so this may be a pleasant reprise or maybe a painful one. Anyway, I've been on a bit of a Davros kick over the weekend - not strictly true I suppose, more of a Wet Vet run but after seeing Resurrection I had Davros in my head. Rather than make Frances sit through it again, I ploughed through Rusty's take on him today. And boy was I sorry...
As with the vast majority of NuWho stories, the core idea stripped down is a good one. The Daleks are using a series of planets to make a giant bomb which will destroy reality. OK, it owes an awful lot to Dalek Invasion of Earth but remaking stories with a slightly different dressing is not in itself a problem.
So what's actually wrong with it then? I'm reminded of a documentary on Dusty Springfield I saw once where Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe are being interviewed about 'Nothing Has Been Proved' and Neil says that "she just sort of takes your song and 'Dustifies' it". Well Rusty takes the story and just kind of 'Rustifies' it. Throw in Mummy issues. Throw in returning characters. Throw in another set of Mummy issues. Throw in more returning characters. Throw in a third set of Mummy issues, just for luck. Reference your own stories. Make sure there are a couple of really bad anagrams (Osterhagen = Earth's gone). Have another set of returning characters. Have the Doctor cry a bit. Make everybody romantically love the Doctor. Make one of your female heroes sexually predatory. Have a portentous 'prophecy'. Throw in some funny sounding names that DT can gurn while he says. Have those funny Rhinos back, everyone thought the way they spoke was funny. And, most importantly, have a character YOU created i.e. NOT THE DOCTOR be the most important heroic saviour character.
In the end then, by the time you've had 100 introductions and 100 goodbyes there isn't actually much time for the story. The Earth gets taken away. The Doctor isn't on it. The Doctor manages to get to it. The TARDIS is nearly destroyed. The daleks have their hubris tempered. The daleks and Davros appear to be conquered for the last time. Say what you like about running up and down corridors but (more often than not) it was to advance the plot to some degree, no matter how little. Rustifying it doesn't do anything to the plot, in concentrates on the soap opera and Rusty's GRATE JOKES.
None of this excuses some of the worst crimes, such as letting Freema Ageyman anywhere near the show again. There's stiff competition, but she must be the worst actress ever to have touched the property in 50 years. And then her character is worse. Given a simple job as a UNIT soldier and the LAST HOPE OF EARTH, what does she do? Goes home to see her mum. And stays there. YOU GO GIRL! Billie is, somewhat inexplicably, wearing Dick Emery's comedy vicar teeth. The daleks do the Yakety Sax speeded up thing.
But I'm saving the best for last. The clue was there all along. Donna Noble is a temp. She says so, lots of times. "I'm only a temp." "Best temp in Chiswick." Temp could be time in cod-schoolboy Latin. And she is a Noble. Or a Lady. A Temp Lady. A Time Lady. HAHAHAHAHA DO YOU SEE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I might try End Of Time. Or arsenic. I'm not sure which will be worse.
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