Month 12: Special stuff not included

Action Comics #12: At last, Grant Morrison becomes "Grant Morrison" in this book. It's full of lovely ASS/Silver Age nods, but what I take away from it most is that it says Superman was a story waiting for its time to come. A narrative causality which had some failed runs before coming true. And Adam Blake is just one of those failed runs - although between him and Susie, including the way he talks about there being 5 of them, positively reeks of it being an attempt to integrate the Marvel Family into the New 52 before being told not to so Shazam could be Johnsed up. In the rest he ties up pretty much all his loose ends; Batman turns up with his film tie-in thumb drive and tells Supes to become Clark again, and it turns out that all our hunches about Clark's landlady were bang on. We even find out that there was indeed a good reason for the panel linger on the short man in #1. I'm not sure which issue is GMoz's last, but it's hurtling towards it. After a few months of treading water, this book is back in the game.

Animal Man #12: Talking of treading water, this takes half an issue to get from the final panel of Animal Man #11 to the final panel of Swamp Thing #11, which is a good use of everyone's time. It takes the second half to get to what feels like the first panel of Swamp Thing 12. And there you have what the problem is with this issue, and to a degree with the book as a whole - that it feels completely incidental to the story it's trying to tell, which is being told more completely (and better) in other places. Which is in many ways a shame, particularly since Steve Pugh finally seems to have a handle on the art, but at least it's not BAD. Damning with faint praise? Maybe, but in the Johnsiverse there's nothing wrong with mediocrity.

Batwing #12: Not cancelled yet? Why not make things better by crossing over with a title that gets cancelled this month, starring a character whose own book was cancelled 6 months ago! As it is here, which sees Batwang team up with the JLI (who currently feature OMAC for no good reason). They invade an African country for shits and giggles, only to find out the bad guy is some sort of abundance elemental. So they beat him up anyway, and then lock him in prison so they can continue to exploit his power. This is a completely directionless book, and without the beautiful art of the first plot has nothing to recommend ongoing purchase. Batwang Zero is about how Batwang joined Batman Inc. didn't we do that already?

Detective Comics #12: Hmm. (not a Rorscach impression) Something and nothing. The radioactive man plot sort of peters out into nothing. Far better is the backup story, which outs Harvey Bullock as a workplace bully and teases the imminent return of the Joker. Who'd have thought a discarded flap of skin could lead to so much entertainment? Maybe that explains why the Jews run Hollywood? OH NOES I HAVE UNCOVERED THE PROTOCOLS OF TEH ELDRS OF ZION!

Dial H #4: After pointing out last month that what we thought was going to be the plot wasn't we get the most Mieville issue yet with talk of nullomancers and abyss-shaping. Maybe this is getting too into his style, and maybe it's getting to be for fans only but I AM ONE AND IT SUCKS TO BE YOU IF YOU'RE NOT. Still great and wildly inventive, this deserves to be DC's biggest selling book.

Earth 2 #4: Captain Atom of Earth 2 is revealed and we all laugh inwardly. HE IS NOT LIKE CAPTAIN ATOM CAPTAIN ATOM, YOU SEE? He is instead like the Ray Palmer Atom except in reverse. When he rubs himself, he gets big. That could catch on. Anyway, he gets so big he is able to make Grundy do a splurge just by touching him, which is just as well because Alan Scott has a temperemental ring. This is actually a really good book, mainly because James Robinson gets to do what he likes. So between this and Dial H, is the answer to actually have decent creative teams and give them their heads? Whatever next?

GI Combat #4: Oh God, it's Krul. And he's as bad as ever. He does things that should be beaten out of you at writer school, like having your character start a sentence by saying 'great' sarcastically, twice on the same page. Great. The art, which was quite nice in previous issues is now weirdly stilted and the big splash page actually looks like a composite image. As ever, the title is rescued by Gray and Palmiotti's Unknown Soldier which is more Punisher-esque than previous iterations but not necessarily for the worse. Plus he now seems to be resurrectable, which can't be a bad trick to have in the golf bag. Next month: surprises. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Green Arrow #12: Ann Nocenti cannot play cards. This is transparently obvious on page 1 where she tries to make equal bluffing and not hitting somebody during a fight. THERE IS NO PLACE WHERE THESE ARE CLOSE TO BEING SIMILAR. Anyway, the Chinese are racistly Chinese, to the point where the one that ends up having a conversation with Ollie has a shar-pei, JUST BECAUSE. But hey, as long as it all "sounds hot" because of some Yellow Peril bullshit then it's all good, right? Anyway, Ollie fights some people with guns and a holographic girl while someother plot critical people play golf. You know what? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

JLI #12: THANK FUCK IT'S OVER. (Except for the annual) But wait. The JLI stay together as the JLI with money and all kinds of stuff so nothing has changed? So why is this book finishing again? OH YEAH, BECAUSE IT SUCKS. I really have no idea what this is for or anything, it's just some shit heroes being vaguely talky and then talking more. Absolute rot.

Red Lanterns #12: After a debated over several pages about whose vengeance is purer, until it turns out that blood was all the Red battery needed to make it alive after all. You'd think that Atrocitus, having invented it, might have know that. Or, like me, you might just not give a fuck. Is Pete Milligan better than this? I don't know any more.

Stormwatch #12: Jenny Quantum daydreams that the Martian Manhunter wants to kill her because she likes non-threatening boys. She then looks at posters of non-threatening boys. Midnighter has fantasies about losing to the Martian Manhunter before beating him, sort of. Jonn Jonzz thens leaves altogether because some ancient Egyptians, who are also multi-dimensional beings from Shadow land, speak to him like he's a child. He then Doctor Light Tiny Feets Mind Rapes everyone, until the JLI turn up to kiss some penguins (which presumably is a JLAntarctica tribute, except it probably isn't).

Swamp Thing #12: ACTUALLY A PLOT after Animal Man failed to deliver. This bites, in quite a big way, Alan Moore's War In Hell isuues at the end of American Gothic, but has just enough swagger of its own to carry it off. Abby still looks like she could kick everyone's arse, which is good enough for me.

World's Finest #4: Present day stuff still awful, Kev Maguire stuff still great. A comic of two halves and at the end of the day, Brian, not everyone's a winner, I'm sick as a parrot over the moon.