Month 12: Rewriting physics

Batwoman #12: JH Williams is back concentrating on the artowrk again and, although the art doesn't actually look much like him (which is kind of weird) the layouts are an absolute delight. Not so much the story, which sort of continues the old plot (which was supposed to be done) but not really and crosses over with what appears to be the JLA Wonder Woman and not the Wonder Woman Wonder Woman. I don't feel any worse for reading it, whichis sometimes all I can hope for from DC these days.

Brids of Prey #12: Ummm, when did Black Canary get standards again? She gets all snotty with Poison Ivy because "I said no kiliing". YOUR TEAM-MATES ARE A WOMAN WITH A GUN AND A WOMAN WITH A SWORD (not a Liefeld sword). You know, with an offensive strategy like that there's going to be a number of corpses along the way and indeed there have been SINCE #1. But when OOPS SPOILERS Katana apperently kills Ivy at the end, she barely even gets a telling off. WAY TO PLAY TEACHER'S PET, Dinah.

Blue Beetle #12: Paco is safe after being turned into Blood Beetle (dunno, another evil alium from the beginning of time or something because BB stabbed him through the chest the other week). You want to know how? Really? Are you sure? OK. BECAUSE BB'S SUIT ASKS HIM WWJD. Put this book out of its misery.

Captain Atom #12: Oh god, I can't do this any more. Human Captain Atom has buttsex on the couch with One Hand Captain Atom (IDNSH Trucker Hat) before she gets upset because her other boyfriend - that's the one she had dinner with ONCE, when Human Captain Atom was watching them through the window - has sent her a couple of texts so RUN to the base. Where Human Captain Atom merges with Captain Atom and unwrites the last issue. Then decides he's not human so needs to go and live on the moon. OH WAIT, along the way JT Krul explains the Big Bang Theory. No, really. You know how Dave Sim did it and everybody called him barking? This is even more mental - The Big Bang is just a reboot of the universe, destroying the previous universe in its path AND IF YOU TRAVEL AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT YOU CAN WATCH IT DESTROY THE OLD UNIVERSE. Once you've travelled fast and far enough to get to the edge of it obviously, which by definition must be faster than light. Words fail me. Only #0 to go though.

Catwoman #12: Some dolls get smashed, there's a couple of double crosses and Selina's latino fuckbuddy gets shot. Here's a basic tip in comocs writing though - if you reveal in the text and in vision in the same panel who the bad guy on the other end of the phone is, it just doesn't work. I know you saw it in that Bruce Willis film that time, but trust me it doesn't work when the pictures aren't moving. Apart from that, this is a typical uninspired issue. Not awful, but not any good.

DC Presents #12: Kid Flash fights Hyper-evolved dinosaurs in New York. Well, I say fight, he tries to charm one of them by buying her egg foo yung. Kid Flash is the best thing about Titans and he's great here too - a wisecracking prickly teen like nobody else is writing. Why can't more books be like this?

GLC #12: WHO CARES. But for those of you that do, the Not Manhunter that Guy and John made from bits of leftover manhunter in the last one fails to beat the Alpha Lanterns, but then it turns out that Guy and John have always had the ability to remove thier power batteries, so they commit suicide. The Guardians don't care, because they're too busy thinking about the Third Army. But it looks like they're going to kill Guy in any case, which would make sense for Baz turning up because they're not going to replace John with him now, are they? I sometimes wish I was more into the whole GL thing, then I slap myself round the face and wise up.

Green Lantern #12: And talking of which, blah blah Black Lantern blah blah Blackest Night blah blah Third Army blah blah Yellow Battery blah blah blah. This is so dull that Black Lantern stops and has a wank in an attempt to liven things up.

LoSH #12: A slugfest of an issue, but at least Bouncing Boy gets his moment in the sun. It's billed as the "final" battle with the Dominators, but I'll lay CASH MONEY that won't be true. Still for fanboys only though.

Nightwing #12: Policemen trapped in the Gotham sewers after an explosion? Seriously? Does nobody at DC take a corporate view of their product? So, in a COMPLETELY UNFORSEEABLE turn of events it seems that the Penguin is that bad guy in this as well, which could be heading us for another second tier Bat-crossover. HOLY MARKETING, BATMAN!

Red Hood #12: Hooray! A 50 Shades reference! Which makes no sense, as our heroes have been in space since it became a thing which leads us then to the Secret Origin of Arsenal. Roy must be Twilight fanfic guy. I would never have guessed. I'm quite enjoying this as a campy space opera, even if it is a bit hard to follow at times because of the daft names and it does feature The Blight who (presumably are the Tamaran version of The Rot. Or it could just be coincidence.

Supergirl #12: Kara's Fortress Of Solitude turns up under the ocean, having been built in secret by the bad guy from the first couple of issues (last seen in bits in space and being held together with jelly). She doesn't trust Superman any more either because he's not a real Kryptonian according to her, which smacks of Nationalism slightly. I never thought I'd be hankering for the byrne-isms already. A Superbook too far.

Wonder Woman #12: Apollo decides to pretend to be Zeus and reform Olympus, exiling Hera to Earth and mortality. Hermes rescuse Zola from the fighting which is going on, and then steal her baby from under everybody's noses to form a pact with Demeter. BUT NEVER MIND ANY OF THAT, ORION OF NEW GENESIS IS BACK ON THE LAST PAGE. A great book in any case, but suddenly made awesome in four panels.