New 52 Month 14: Blue, like Duncan From.

Batwoman #14: MUST STOP THINKING ABOUT PROMETHEA. But it's so hard, this is so influenced by it. Every page is a splash to exploit the artwork, and the writing is pretty solid (even if it does put Wonder Woman in a kind of Justice League Dark position). After far too many months Batwoman has found its feet again and is about as good as it's ever been. Those of you that remember the Detective run will know that's fairly high praise.
Birds of Prey #14: This isn't going anywhere. Again. The Condor guy, who isn't maybe such a bad guy after all, but then is, but then isn't, but then is, is merely a sidebar in the plot. Which seems to be about getting a lot of ninjas in a room for a big fight - which the BoP run away from in any case. This isn't awful, by any means, it just isn't actively good and I can't for the life of me work out whu anyone would choose to read it.
Blue Beetle #14: So, Jaime and the other good/bad scarab blow up Scarabworld, like it was suggested last month they would, while the dead Mayan dude continues to chase them. There are an awful lot of hints about secrets to be revealed in the near future, but over a year into publication isn't the time to be introducing them. I suppose the adventures in the Reach just about do enough to make you want to read more, but with cancellation already announced it's difficult to raise the enthusiasm. This may well indicate good things for Threshold when it starts, but migrating a cancelled title character into a new book hasn't exactly worked out for Mister Terrific now, has it?
Catwoman #14: Little more than a series of set pieces designed to show Catwoman in various states of undress (including a contrived scenario to get her in the shower), but it's not dreadful at all despite being written by Ann Nocenti. At the conclusion she offers her NEW REVOLUTIONARY take on The Joker - he's gay for Batman! Wow! I never saw that coming! </snark>

 

DCU Presents #14: STOP GETTING BLUE DEVIL WRONG. 

 

Facepalm indeed. Can I un-read this?
GL:NG #14: The continuing story of Kyle Rayner becoming the bestest Lantern ever sees him meeting the same people he's met before that swanned off at the end of the first plot NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. But OH NOES Carol Ferris is being conned by the Guardians because they know the whole thing is secretly to help Hal and because they hate him so much they've got a whole secret plot to undermine all the other Lanterns of all colours just in case. That's how ridiculous this book is now, the lead character isn't even what the book is about any more. It's about Hal. Which not even Hal's book is about.
Justice League #14: Superman is still a cheetah, but jungle magic cures him so he takes WW out on a hot date to eat apple pie in Smallville. The ridiculously overpowered Cheetah is captured ridiculously easily (despite her almost killing Barry Allen in the process), which may or may not be part of a secret plot on her part that has to do with the Black Manta. Batman watches Supes and WW having sex in a field on his special Super Sex Scanner. He seems unmoved by the experience, but then again we can only see one of his hands. Geoff Johns' Shazam backup is as Johns-y as you'd expect, take it or leave it.
LoSH #14: SPROING is a sound effect you don't see that much any more. It appears multiple times here, including one panel where it appears three times. That's devotion to a word. A guy with a squid face called M'WIM has lost his sword. This will undoubtedly be a bad thing in future issues.
Nightwing #14: Poor Dick. Not important enough to get a Joker crossover in the first wave. It's really eating him up too, as he can't believe a villain would just turn up randomly and attack him and the Joker must have been behind it. Villains don't turn up randomly? HAVE YOU NEVER READ A COMIC BEFORE, DICK?
Red Hood #14: Superman turns up on the off-chance that what happened in his Annual (which I'm not actually sure I bothered reading), and buggers off in the huff when he finds it didn't. Jason shags an alien girl, only for the Joker to drug her and set him up with the police. See Dick? Even a DEAD Robin gets a better Joker crossover than you. Irrespective of how good this might be, the grammar nazi in me finds this unforgivable in an edited publication:

Your kidding me.
Supergirl #14: In which Supergirl is exposed as a Nationalist bigot. Seriously, she is full of contempt for Superman and the human scientist because they speak Kryptonian with an Earth accent, which she doesn't care for. She even thinks an Irish girl (which, as we all should remember, looks just like Texas) speaks more authentic Kryptonian than them. The rest of the issue is really about whether she and H'El (who has the least Kryptonian Kryptonian name ever) should kill everyone that isn't pure blood Kryptonian. Because we all like a nice final solution in our comics, don't we?
Sword Of Sorcery #2: Re-arrange these words. DUCK LAME. Amethyst and her new friend talk about fabrics. She then gets some of her mother's power through the ability of LOVE. Quite what the power is, who knows. Putting out lights seems to be her main skill. The techno-Beowulf backup is still excellent though and well worth your attention - just don't go near Amethyst to get there.
Wonder Woman #14: This really doesn't belong in the New 52, does it. 1) It's good. 2) It's well plotted, as we get the machinations of Gods, Zeus' bastard children, sleeping giants... 3) It's good. Plus Orion turns up at the end. You can't go wrong with the New Gods now, can you.
All-Star Western #14: So, the cover is unrelated to the plot and the Barbary Ghost's clothing is frankly implausible, but there's lots to love in this as ever. Yes, we've seen Mr Hyde in LoEG and he's been as brutal here as there, but it doesn't mean it isn't great to read. The Tomahawk backup isn't the best this book has seen though, and the final panel with the horses leaving the settlement is REALLY badly drawn. But hey, with pickings as slim as DC's output you ignore things like that in a decent book.
Aquaman #14: The thing about Aquaman is, he's king of the sea. Right? So you think you'd get an artist in that can draw fish. Well OK, Pete Woods can technically draw fish, but he draws STUPID fish. The sort who have to go to a special school and aren't allowed to play with the sharp coral. Black Manta doesn't want to join the Suicide Squad, presumably because it's not written by Geoff Johns, but will tie in with Justice League, because it is. In other news, the Trench baddies from the very first plot are being brought back by somebody (and based on the adverts for the impending Throne Of Atlantis I'd bet it's a way they think can... erm... get the Throne Of Atlantis). Johnsy Johnsiness of the highest order.
Batman Inc #5: Ummm. Thrill-powered, yes, but the whole issue is an alternate future Gotham if Damian became Batman. So, back in the DCU, Bruce tells Damian he can't let that happen. Then all the other members of Batman Inc get blown up. A great read, but I'm not sure why DC are publishing this as a New 52 title.
Batman The Dark Knight #14: Wow. Does Batman really skewer the Scarecrow to the ceiling with a rope he shoots from a rocket gun? He gets pissed off because of this and buys a giant dirigible from the Penguin to infect Gotham with fear gas during the Thanksgiving/Christmas parade. The Penguin probably didn't need it any more after it didn't go so well for him in that Tim Burton film. Good stuff though, even if it feels like there isn't much to it.
I, Vampire #14: The fight from last issue doesn't happen and a guy who can't do bar magic gets turned into a vampire. This second soft reboot doesn't feel like it's going anywhere and if I'm honest it's painfully obvious that this is a dead book walking. After the next round of cancellations it's the second lowest DC seller, so it's inevitable really.
Justice League Dark #14: Better than most of the characters' own books. We get a runaround of the House of Secrets, including the big secret of who's spying on the DCU trying to find out secrets. There's going to be a war, apparently. Yes, another one.
Red Lanterns #14: Atrocitus punches a planet to death. The human Red Lantern, the new one, lives in the Middle Ages (based on the village he takes Bleez to, which definitely isn't the one he left from the first time we saw him). The Red Lanterns easily beat the Third Army in any case, which makes them the best Lantern Corps, presumably. This allows Atrocitus to muse on the colour blue, like some kind of rage-filled Van Gogh.

What next? Larfleeze recites "Daffodils"?
Superman #14: Supergirl's genocidal desires spill over to here, but Superman is largely able to explain it all away in long sentences. H'El gets in a mood because nobody will kill Superboy for him, so he smashes up a car lot. Scott Lobdell has improved the title exponentially, but having to deal with shitty crossovers is affecting his ability to deliver. Get back to Clark & Jimmy in 'One And A Half Men'.
Talon #2: Do we really need this? It's well written and engaging enough, because you can never have too much OWLS, but it really does feel like one BatBook too many, even though it isn't really one. Might be worth taking a 6 month view on, not least because I think it'll read better as a trade anyway.
Teen Titans #14: Cassie takes her armour back, which kills her archaeologist boyfriend. She doesn't seem to cut up about it. Kiran finally realises she's naked and gets all embarrassed in front of someone from the "current" issue of Birds of Prey, by which presumably they mean #15 as I've just read #14 and don't recognise the character I'm obviously supposed to. What are the chances of that, an incorrect editorial boxout?
Flash #14: Grodd back and more powerful than before, with control over the speed force now. I won't spoil the ending, but this is super stuff again and maybe the most consistently good book in the Johnsiverse.
Firestorm #14: Just when you thought this book couldn't get any worse, Captain Atom has turned up. With a really weirdly shaped head. Somebody cancel this, please? It's the actual lowest seller not yet cancelled, and sells less than the already-cancelled Frankenstein. Just put it out of its misery, please?
Hawkman #14: And talking of poor sellers, the third lowest-selling not-cancelled book. Home of the Liefeld retells Deathstroke #14 over two pages, and Green Arrow shoots some arrows into Thanagarians' faces. We get wonders of Liefeld writing like this:

Can we make it stop please? Pretty please?

New 52 Month 14: Even I'm getting tired of this

Batgirl #14: A deranged Joker in full flow is always a great thing to behold, but Gail S just doesn't get it. She's too busy playing with the pseudo-hypnosis of Babs right up to the point where we're supposed to believe THIS Barbara Gordon, the one that had her back healed after the events of the Killing Joke, the one who got out of her wheelchair, the one who stared down one of the guys that did it... is reduced to a pathetic, paralysed weeping child by the memory of it. Still, Babs also doesn't recognise her brother's voice so anything is possible. I'm curious to how all the Death of the Family will work together, but not curious to read any more of these.
Batman #14: THIS is how you do a deranged Joker. Hats off Mr Snyder, you might just well be the best Batman writer since the Silver Age. But it's not just Batman - this is a textbook example of writing comics. Set up the mystery, raise the bar with a fake-out during the plot build and take it to a level where you want to read the next part of it. Hell, it almost makes me want to read Batgirl (even if Gail didn't get the memo about how the Joker's doing things). The backup is great too, with just enough hints about how all this is panning out, while telling a completely different story. Why isn't everything DC put out as good as this?
Batman & Robin #14: The Joker has created cannibals, but I can't take my mind of the way Peter Tomasi is channelling Neal Adams' Batman Odyssey. Or Frank Miller's All Star Batman. And neither of those are good options.

OK, I guess, but very average and I don't think we really need the emo bullshit on the last couple of pages.
Deathstroke #14: And there was me wondering why Deathstroke was involved in all this Hawkman nonsense. It's because his armour is Nth Metal. OH, OF COURSE IT IS ROB. FFS, can you not get one original idea? (By the way, despite all his fun adventures in space and whatnot Deathstroke is now reduced to picking up jobs in bars. Bit of a comedown.)
Demon Knights #14: This has kind of lost its way in the past couple of months. Etrigan and Jason are separate, Morgaine is going to conquer Avalon, everybody is pairing up into couples to have a happy life together. I didn't care for this much and had to check who wrote it as it's well below the standards Paul Cornell has set for the title, but he's put in enough effort in the past to get him a free pass this month. Just make it the only one where I say it, OK?
Frankenstein #14: Why drag your heels like the other Rotworld books? Why not just speed about invincibly across America when everyone else can't go 100 yards without being attacked. I know, why not go to Easter Island, just for the hell of it? Then kill off the rest of the cast and bring in some shiny golden robots? That's bound to help.
Green Lantern Corps #14: So the Guardians are now working against Guy Gardner now, because Guy is the best Lantern of all time now? Is that because Hal is/isn't dead or was Guy always better? And in GL:NG you say that Kyle's the best ever. Is it just that every Lantern is the best Lantern ever because they're all better than all the other heroes because they're Geoff Johns' power fantasy. Except John Stewart. Geoff Johns doesn't seem to like him for some reason. If only I could put my finger on what makes him different to Hal or Guy or Kyle. There must be something... Anyway, Kilowog and Salaak sort of work out what's going on, but don't care enough to do anything about it and the Guardians take away Guy's ring and return him to Earth. Most books would be cancelled at this point, as this one should, but it'll continue on unfortunately.
Grifter #14: Oh shitty Christ, this is awful. Rob has Grifter and Midnighter zapped round the world while they're fighting so he can get some KEWL ideas in. What if they were underwater fighting a shark, wouldn't that be KEWL? Oops, not as good as I thought, but there was a shark so VFFTTT they're in front of a speeding train, but that's a kind of one panel joke so VFFTTT they're in Tokyo. It's like watching a toddler with ADHD playing with action figures. Not being a toddler myself, or a parent with an interest, it's more dereving of sympathy than awe or pride.
Legion Lost #14: Not long remaining, and it definitely shows. This takes place after last month's Superboy, which takes place after next month's Ravagers. Make sense? The writers have given up with this lazy rubbish and so have I.
Suicide Squad #14: Wow, so Floyd's really dead, huh? Not sure I saw that coming, and Harley definitely didn't see the Joker punching her square in the face coming either. The slight change in focus to the Bat tie-in make it less satisfying in previous months as it's more than able to stand alone, but it works well enough I suppose. Compared to nearly everything else this week it's a masterpiece.
Superboy #14: Just so we're clear, Legion Lost 14-16 happen between Superboy 13 and 14. How's that there continuity working out for you, DiDio? This also is taking place at the same time (and is part of) both the Batman and Superman tie in plots. MAKE IT STOP.
Team 7 #2: I think this might genuinely be one of the most pointless books DC has ever published. Team 7's giant flying space doughnut takes them to somewhere that Eclipso might be, which is odd as he was killed during the TINY FOOTPRINTS nonsense, which must still exist because Green Lantern is still from that universe (otherwise Brightest Day can't have happened, which it must have). There's some fighting of sorts, and some standing about. That's all I remember, and I've just finished reading it. That probably tells its own story.
Phantom Stranger #2: Talking of pointless books... actually, the portrayal of football (or soccer, if you must) is one of the most hilariously inept things I've read in a DC book for many years. Really, if you're going to write about a topic you could at least learn SOMETHING about it. Imagine if a Brit was writing about baseball and the guy on the losing team hit four home runs. It would sound kind of stupid, right? Well so does this book. The Stranger is now just a supernatural alter-ego. Like putting on a costume or something. Yes, it's that dumb. Awful stuff.
Ravagers #6: And completing the week of wasted paper comes this, a barely tolerabel team book but I'll take anything I can get at this point. But wait! It takes place before Legion Lost 14, so it takes place before Superboy 14. Good. But they're not done yet - Beast Boy suffers the effects from Rotworld in this issue and a boxout refers to Swamp Thing and Animal Man 14s, so they take place in the Johnsiverse after all and here's the proof. That means it only has a year left before it's all destroyed. Hooray!

New 52 Month 14: An unexpected rift appears

Action #14: Ummm. Yeah. The human terraforming mission to Mars is under threat because other terraformers have dibs on the planet. Then some other terraformers, who are a bit like the bad Angels from Doctor Who, turn up as well as they've been doing this relelntlessly since they tried to do it to Krypton (leaving aside that they've only done 200 planets in the entire time Kal-el has been alive, which isn't exactly startling pace) but luckily the middle terraformers are Mek-Quake from Ro-Busters and so powerful enough to smash the angels, until Superman electrocutes them in the 5th Dimension. Wait, multi-dimensions? After the reveal about Clark's landlady the other month, that can only mean one thing! Yes, it's Vyndktvx, the Johnsiverse version of Mr Mxyzptlk! Only he's a bad, vindictive little multi-dimensional sprite and not the trickster we know and love and he's been behind EVERYTHING! GOSH! Does this sound like fanwank? Thrill-powered as it is, I suspect it might. Still, it all works out all right. We know that because the Sholly Fisch backup takes place the week after it. Way to go, editors.
Animal Man #14: I want to like this. Really I do, but I know it's not real. Rotworld is an Elseworlds book, as in real-time in the Johnsiverse the rot has already started taking over and in the future it has. Enjoying it for what it is then, it's always pleasant to see Grifter get his head ripped off. Beast Boy cares for him as much as I do and you can never be sure it's not just Jeff Lemire channelling directly.

So much of this doesn't make sense though. Gorilla City is now in America? And why try and make explicit AGAIN that this IS the Johnsiverse by having Black Orchid talk about Steve Trevor's black projects? The confused mess this ends up is purely because of the attempts to make the 52 universe a tangible thing. If this was just lurking off as a Vertigo book or something everything would be fine. In what I'm sure is a complete coincidence, amid dialogue about turncoats, the heroes who are shown to have gone over to the other side are Grifter, Deathstroke and Hawk & Dove. I mean, it is just a coincidence Rob Liefeld was working on all of those, right? Otherwise them being the only ones picked on would be a really petty bit of whiny bitching, yeah? It would make you wonder what Jeff Lemire could have against him, were it any more than a coincidence? Or what an editorial hold DiDio and Johns had over him to force him to write them in. Were it not just a coincidence that draws a connection between Rob L and being a traitor. But obviously it's a coincidence. OBVIOUSLY. I can't believe I even noticed it.
Batwing #14: Oh God, I had forgotten about this. Africa is full of magic, yes, and everybody has hanging about a special amulet to protect them from the magic. If they're not ancient magic people then they're mercenaries who sometimes work as vigilantes to make up for it. This really is dreadful racist nonsense at the heart of it, about how DIFFERENT Africa is. Not proper, like America. Everyone lives in shacks or ruins. They're all corrupt. They all believe in magic. You just keep telling your self that and you'll fit right in.
Detective #14: Whut? The carefully built plot from the last issue is thrown away in four pages, Brids of Prey is actively dissed and then the plot of the Ivy story ignored... oh, and she's married to Clayface now. It's Helena I feel sorry for, being deserted like that. Is the Johnsiverse really trying to tear itself apart, based on this month so far?
Dial H #6: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. What happens when the Dial gives you somebody you couldn't possibly go outside with in this day and age? You in heap big trouble. Nelson and Rox pass the day waiting for the effects to wear off in one of those instances, while discussing other times. Maybe my favourite issue so far, and that's a big claim. I'm just sorry we won't see Wingy again.
Earth 2 #6: GRUNDY NOT SMASH MOON! STUPID MOON! If only Jeff Lemire was as clever as James Robinson, hunh?
GI Combat #6: Haunted Tank is as much fun as Iron Sky. That's enough of an explanation as you need. Unknown Soldier is kind of meh, but not enough to drag the enjoyment of the book overall. See DiDio? This is what happens when you get rid of people like JT Krul. People end up ACTUALLY LIKING what you publish.
Green Arrow #14: Hawkman and GA have a fight with lots of other Hawkmen, while chucking out huge chunks of exposition and talking about COMPLETE BATTLE COLLAPSE and the like. Ann Nocenti proves she's the mastermind behind those things people put on Facebook by claiming "you can't unring a bell" is an Ancient Chinese Proverb, when it actually came from a US court case in the 50s. Oh good. It continues in Deathstoke (who hasn't actually been in it yet) and Hawkman. Deep joy.
Green Lantern #14: The Guardians talk to a guy made of light about how much they love Hal Jordan before discussing how they're going to save and/or destroy the universe and ponder the value of the soul. The Justice League turn up, and in a wonder of Superhero Sadface realise that NOT EVERY ARAB IS A TERRORIST. Well, except Aquaman. He still thinks that. Flash is kind of amazed that an imaginary car doesn't behave like a normal car and actually does what the guy who imagines it wants it to do. The Black Hand tries to save the Guardians locked in the box in the middle of space and Hal and Sinestro, who are still dead, go to the House of Mystery. Probably. I can't tell any more.
Stormwatch #14: Etrigan (who might not be Etrigan, as his rhyming is back and he's significantly de-powered) is fighting Stormwatch, who think he was one of the people the Demon Knights fought. Because, as we all know, Demon Knights were Stormwatch before Stormwatch. Of course. How stupid of me. Also, a superhero fight is a bit like the Olympics. No, it seriously says this. Anyway, Stormwatch is now only about the Shadow Lords, whatever they are. And Midnighter realises beating people up can cure him of being gay. You might think I'm just checking you're still reading, but no, this is what happens on the last page. I'd love to pretend it doesn't, but unfortunately this is where DC have got to. Really quite horrific.
Swamp Thing #14: Despite existing in the same Elseworld as Animal Man, this is a rollicking read as the green heroes left move to the same unavoidable fight as the red heroes - except in a convincing and entertaining way. But it' tiring reading and writing so much bad material. I need a nap before I attempt anything else. Night night.

Marvel NOW! Month 1: Taking ideas from Dan DiDio is not a business plan

Since I obviously don't know any better, I'm going to take on the Marvel soft reboot as well (not least because some of you asked me to). I'm far less familiar with the Marvel Universe, particularly the X Plot, and only really know anything about the recent FF and Iron Man out of the line, which maybe makes this a better fit than DC in that I'm the sort of person Marvel should be chasing in that I have the potential to be a new customer. So let's dive in...
Marvel NOW! 0.1: A guy from the future shows up and starts taking over the New York stock exchange, which maturally piques the interest of SHIELD. Maria Hill, Agent Coulson out of the films and Ultimate Nick Fury/Samuel Jackson turn up to interrogate him where he tells about the imminent collapse of America and spouts an awful lot of Warren Ellis-type dialogue. We get an origin story of sorts for the new Nova, who fights an old Nova baddie and ends the fight written like BMB's Ultimate Spider-Man. After a SHIELD interlud we get a thoroughly enjoyable piece where Loki tries to recruit Miss America for the Young Avengers over Korean barbecue. Then a Mike Allred piece on Ant Man that reads probably most like The All-New Atom (from when he was the Asian kid). Somebody who looks like an insane Tony Stark but according to the end papers is someone called Forge builds (or rather fixes) a giant steampunk computer and chops up a living brain for, it turns out, Cable. Back on the Helicarrier, future boy gets shot dead by Coulson after doing some body jumping. All of this prompts Maria Hill to start the Avengers. If this is supposed to be a taster, and try and suck me in to the reboot then it's done exactly the job it's supposed to as I want to read more of pretty much all of these stories. I'm kind of confused why the characters seem to be from different Marvel Universes, but I'm sure it'll be explained somewhere. This is how you do it, DiDio.
A+X #1: WWII Captain America and Bucky are sent behind the lines to break up a Nazi robot factory, and discover what seems to be a Nazi Sentinel. Then with a whoosh, Cable jumps through a time portal to "help" because it's all part of a time-travel plot by someone called Trask to wipe out mutants earlier in history. In a thrill-powered moment, Trask sends the Sentinel after Cable by programming it with the punched card he's already had made for the mutants he knows about. Bucky then blows it up. In the second story, a Hulk and Wolverine from the future come back to stop a Hulk and Wolverine from the present arguing about a slice of cake. They were sent back by a Red Hulk PotUS, who looks like either General Ross or JJJ. These are fun, but standalone tales which presumably are supposed to contribute to an overall plot by increments, and they're tremendous fun but the real truth is that they're just not long enough and so end up being completely unsatisfying. Like just eating canapes instead of having a proper meal. Strip this down to one story and it'll be as much fun as the late lamented Tangled Web, which I'm sure we'd all love to see back.
All-New-X-Men #1: It starts with a summary of A Vs X, which seems to be as follows - the Scarlet Witch gets rid of mutants, but then Phoenix comes from space and powers them back up again; then Cyclops kills Professor X which makes Phoenix sad and go back to space so now all the mutants are becoming mutants again. Alles klar? Beast becomes the Beast again, and the team-up of Cyclops, Emma Frost and Magneto (who may or may not be a good guy now) find a new mutant in Australia who has frozen time. The resolution of this section is kind of confusing if I'm honest, as they can get in her time bubble so why they don't just take her out and then collapse the bubble isn't clear and they seem to do it the way they do just so they can have a FITE (or, even more cynically, just so there can be that splash page of them having a fight). It rumbles on in the same way, until Beast goes back in time to try and persuade past-Cyclops not to be a baddie. Maybe. This feels like a single shot story rather than a reboot if I'm honest and although it's a great read I'm not sure I care for where it's going. I'm then further confused by the sarcastic end piece, which seems unsure about who the target market is. I have a nagging feeling if they're all like this issue then this could be a more painful experience than doing this for DC. Time will tell.
Deadpool #1: A Scottish magician guy brings back the dead PotUSes, Captain America decapitates Harry S Truman, a giant dinosaur turns up and Deadpool burts out of its chest... LOOK, JUST BUY THIS. It's exactly what you expect/want it to be but makes it clear it's not a reboot. Deadpool is dreaming of franchising his book. You should be celebrating.
Fantastic Four #1: The skinny - Reed's powers are failing and he wants to take the entire contents of the Baxter Building into space for a year and use a time portal to return when they left, ostensibly so he can discover an unknown universe. Despite the fact they won't actually be missing, the premise for the FF series is to make sure everything's fine when they're gone by putting in replacements. Franklin has a nightmare foreshadowing something going wrong when they're lost in space/time. This jumps about an awful lot and might seem kind of baffling to people who haven't been reading either of the other books for the past few years.
Iron Man #1: Unlikely as it sounds, despite all the years of battling it Extremis is back on the loose and Tony is trying to shut it down. Being a Greg Land book, this has lots of identikit women. Like, LOTS of women. Everybody who isn't Tony or the bad guy, pretty much, is a woman. It's like reading a Gail Simone book which is sexist for different reasons for a change. Only more entertaining.
Thor God Of Thunder #1: Taking place in three time regions, this story of a God killer is a great read but feels like it's all been done before. If this was an Alan Moore or Gmoz book we'd accuse them of going over old ground. Fun, but pointless. Like painting targets on your nipples and getting somebody to fire rubber bands at them or something.
Uncanny Avengers #1: THERE ARE MORE VARIANT COVERS OF THIS THAN THERE ARE PAGES IN THE COMIC. Is this the 80s again, again? Anyway, this takes place some time before All-New-X-Men as Cyclops is in custody and there's lots of harking back to what happened in A Vs X. Ultimately, some aliens or something turn up and stop Rogue from punching the Scarlet Witch by stabbing her. The Red Skull cuts out Charles Xavier's brain. I have no idea what's going on or how it relates to the other books, and I'm not sure I care.
X-Men Legacy #1: The son of Charles Xavier does some Dragonball Z cosplay in the Himalayas, then sucks the life force out of people who have names with lots of z and x in them in an alien space prison, which it turns out is only in his imagination. It then does a pile of desperate GMoz wanna pseudo-mystic bullshit and something or nothing happens. Impenetrable bollocks that thinks it's clever.
And onto the books which are part of Marvel NOW! but aren't being renumbered/rebooted/whatever...
Avengers Assemble #9: The Avengers before the Uncanny Avengers have a kind of goofball team-up adventure in the ice and snow of Russia. If this and All-New-X-Men both contradict Uncanny Avengers, can I ignore it as out of continuity? Please? It's one of the things I haven't liked very much, so it would be expedient to do so. Ta.
Red She-Hulk #58-59: Yet another different Avengers lineup tries to take down Betsy Ross (who, while nobody was reading, became the Sexy Rulk because hs was at the original Gamma event or something). They sort of fail. But not in a way that's good enough to care about.
Wolverine & The X-Men #19-20: Wants to be wacky teen fluff. Almost succeeds. Contradicts All-New-X-Men and (possibly) Uncanny X-Men. Thankful now I don't have any other books to read.
And that's it. I don't know what they're trying to do, and don't know whether they've succeeded or not. I can't work out whether there's supposed to be a continuity (because several things contradict each other already) and if there isn't then what's the point of the whole thing? And as enjoyable as they are, the whole thing just feels tired - like all the plots for the FF, Thor and Iron Man have been used up and are treading water. And the real-world setting just actively works against the titles. I mean, both Uncanny Avengers and Deadpool destroy New York AGAIN. INDEPENDENTLY. That can't be right, surely? A better read than DC's effort, but less of a success I think. Time will tell.

Month 13: Rounding out that which did not need it

Aquaman #13: How much sad can a sadface get if a Geoff Johns could write sad? NONE MORE SADFACE. This is like the nexus of Sadface and suck. Manta gets the sceptre from Atlantis which makes his craft into a crazy teleporting device which, handily, Mera has a computer that can track. Because Manta has killed the Russian who has always been Arthur's mate (you know, the one who only turned up a month or so ago) Artur wants to kill Manta but doesn't. Manta's sidekick and/or boss, who Arthur and Mera have randomly decided is a good guy really and therefore don't turn into the police, gets to spend the rest of his life going round to soldiers' widows letting them no their husbands loved them really because he can see their ghosts. Instead of the rational reaction which should be OMG GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK! POLICE! POLICE! instead they coat his shoulders with their grateful tears, giving him a lob on, or something. I hate you, Geoff Johns. Really. You're a worse thing for comics than Rob Liefeld, and I'm not even exaggerating.
Action Annual #1: Can it be true? Is Sholly Fisch really a better writer than GMoz? DON'T BE STUPID, OF COURSE HE'S NOT. Imagine the pain in your heart you feel when you have to read one of his backups, then stretch it out to 10 times the length. Kryptonite Man gets invented in a lab during Action Comics #8 (yes, this takes place 6 months ago) and then gets beaten up by Superman and Steel. The experience convinces Stell he should go off instead and form a startup company in Australia to bring buildings to the natives out there (while learning the digeridoo and how to dance round a fire). Luthor learns from this issue that K hurts Supes, which I thought he already knew (and was shown in Action #2 or #3 as a fact), but feels like OOH PLOT POINT in any case. Despite this, there is a completely unexpected Atomic Skull backup which is very nearly worth the price of admission itself.

Steal it and have a look, you won't regret it.
Batgirl Annual #1: MAKE IT STOP. This has the girl Talon that appeared in Batgirl OWLS (although from memory I think the boxout refers to the wrong issue) and it turns out OWLS are still as active as ever, just not in Batman or any of the Batbooks and Batman and the whole Batfamily (including Batgirl) couldn't give a toss about them because it's Catwoman they're after. And despite the fact just ONE OWL was nearly good enough to kill Bats himself, Catwoman is able to take on several and win (presumably, it all happens offscreen). GIRL POWER! Or something. The whole issue is only an excuse to get the girl Talon into Birds of Prey. Deep joy.
Justice League Dark Annual #1: Hooray for sequential storytelling! A book which comes out after #13 actually takes place after #13! But oh no, it takes place before I, Vampire #8! (Although at least it tells you and acknowledges it, which is something at least.) Anyway, nearly every magical hero you can think of ends up at Nanda Parbat. Where the books of magic eventually reveal they're a super alien space computer. Science not magic, you see?

Go Obama 2012 or something! If not, what is the point of this? It's readable enough I suppose, but... meh.
Swamp Thing Annual #1: Umm. Yes. A prequel to #14, but telling a story from before #0. And it's a pretty good one, all told, or at least very diverting. But as with most of the #0s, adding very little to the plot, really. Can I start another sentence with a preposition? No. Yes? But no. Although yes? It might say something that this kind of wordplay is arguably more entertaining.